TOTALLY_FAKE_WIZARDS.TXT
=========================
Classification: Not Real
Issued by: Nobody in Particular
Threat Level: Purple (permanently)



AFFECTED WIZARDS (fictional roster):
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01. Glennvara the Slightly Damp — Secret: owns 400 rubber ducks
02. Bartholomew Fivecoins — Secret: cannot actually do magic, just vibes
03. Petra Owlwhisper — Secret: the owl does all the work
04. Reginald Q. Beeswax — Secret: allergic to bees, ironically
05. Marnie Lostinvoice — Secret: has never once filed Form 13-B on time
06. Doctor Cassiopeia Loophole — Secret: is not actually a doctor
07. Uncle Tarnish — Secret: sponsors the shadow government, or claims to
08. The Moon (honorary wizard) — Secret: still hasn't paid rent

CLASSIFIED RECIPE (also fictional):
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Cursed Honey Cookies
1. Combine flour, honey, and mild dread.
2. Bake at 350°F until the smoke alarm achieves sentience.
3. Serve with tea and a strongly worded incantation.

END OF FILE. Bees make honey. This message will not self-destruct
because that would be expensive and we are on a budget.

(placeholder for malware probably)